Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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