my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just had sex on a roof
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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