lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
