Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
