it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
