We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
