I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
