You work out of a Hotel?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
