how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
