hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
