She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
