I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
