please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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