I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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