I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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