who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
