If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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