i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
