dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
