he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
