in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
time to smoke my breakfast
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I want a musical about memes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
