you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
