i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
