meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
