And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Mom said you looked used
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
