I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
