Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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