Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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