so that wasnt chicken after all
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
