oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
