she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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