If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
