you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
