the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
