Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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