youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
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i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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