after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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