he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
