I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need to calm my uterus...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
