I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
