Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
