i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
tonight lets celebrate not being married
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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