OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
