I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
