me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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