I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
