Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
