I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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