These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
