ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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