I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
