bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
