Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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