You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
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While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
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I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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