Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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