Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
