I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
