and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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