Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
