Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
