just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
