The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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