Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
it's great music for shaving your balls
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
