I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
