as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
