whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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