There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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