Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
