best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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