are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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