Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
