So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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