I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
